


You See My World is Feeling Like it Just Might Explode

by Write_With_Me



Series: What We Do For Love - Spierfield Week [3]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Mentioned violence, Mentions of Racial Slurs, Mentions of homophobia, Spierfield Day 3, Swearing, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Write_With_Me/pseuds/Write_With_Me
Summary: Day 3 Spierfield Week - Canon-FillerBuilt on from when Simon incorrectly guesses who Blue is, Bram makes the decision of not wanting to stop the emails and asks that Simon doesn't stop them either. Builds up to the next day at school when Simons friends have abandoned him so Bram and Garrett take it upon themselves to look after him and defend him from people who would do him harm. When Bram realises why Simons friends left him he speaks his mind to them at lunch before going and joining Simon and helping defend him from when Aaron and Spencer attempt to make fun of Simon in the Cafeteria.Then joins back up to the main story line but kind of mixes the book and Movie a bit.Im not quite sure if this is what was meant by canon filler but I did my best so hopefully it works, if it doesn't I still hope you enjoy reading!Title is from "Start Again" by OneRepublic (feat. Logic)





	You See My World is Feeling Like it Just Might Explode

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Everyone,
> 
> This is my third addition to Spierfield Week - the canon filler
> 
> I wasn't quite sure how to do it considering its my first time so if you could give it a read and let me know if you think it works out or not I would very much appreciate it.
> 
> Also if you guys enjoy it please Kudos/ Comment because it truly makes me feel warm inside when I see those emails pop up in my inbox...
> 
> What can I say I'm a sucker for peoples approval.
> 
> The book that Bram reads in this is a real book and is also one of my favourites. So if you wanna give it a read please go check it out because it is truly a masterpiece.
> 
> Thank you all!  
> All the best!  
> M x

**Brams P.O.V**

Cal Price...he thinks I’m goddam Cal Price. White skin, blonde hair, blue eyes the whole stereotypical package. What the hell happened to “why is white the default? huh?” What happened to learning each other from the inside out? Simon cant really think Cal Price is this deep, this thoughtful, this careful, can he? Or, then again maybe he can. He clearly does.

The more I think about it though, the more I realise I’m being unfair to both Simon and Cal, Cal whose never said a mean or harsh word in his life to me and Simon, cute, oblivious Simon. I mean it’s not like me and Simon are actually friends, it’s not like the longest conversation we've ever had was about the english assignment we had to do which went on for approximately one minute and seven-seconds where thirty-four of those seconds had been filled with nothing but awkward silence.

I hadn't been counting…consciously anyway. My brain always seems to record any time I interacted with Simon in Ultra HD quality just so I can come back to it later and cringe. I’ve cringed a lot over these last couple of years if you're wondering. Its also not like I've given Simon any obvious clues about me either, through email or in real life. I’m like the terms and conditions of Simons life, not something he really reads but he still has to interact with and press the button to continue on to do something he really wants to do.

Ironically I'm the white crayon in the box and everyones drawing on white paper. Im there, I’m noticed but I'm rarely ever useful. I had kinda just hoped that Simon was drawing on a different colour paper. I knew I shouldn't have got my hopes up though, I knew it wouldn't end well because now look at me.

I’m sitting at my desk, alone on a Sunday night, desperately trying to stop the tears threatening to fall from my eyes as my heart tears itself to shreds on the knife currently lodged inside it. The feeling doesn't lessen, just keeps on going the same way my heart keeps on beating, strong and steady. No, the feeling doesn't stop, the world doesn't stop, my heart doesn't stop. So neither do I.

I’m not so cruel as to not respond to his email though and I spend the next hour and half writing, rewriting, editing and re-editing until I’m satisfied with my email. I’m not happy with it by any means but it conveys enough of what I’m feeling that I press send. It reads:

From: bluegreen118@gmail.com  
To: hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

_Dear Simon,_

_I know I guessed who you are correctly, one of the things I pride myself on is my observation and studying skills and as conceited as it sounds, I’m rarely wrong. Unfortunately I’m not the person you think I am, you do in fact think I am Cal Price correct? Yes, I know him but unfortunately that is not me however much I wish it was. I want to desperately be whoever you think I am but I cannot._

_I would be lying if I said it didn't sting when you were incorrect in your guess, but do you know what would hurt even more? Not being able to talk to you still. I am sorry that I’m not who you wanted me to be but, and if its still okay with you, I would like to continue to email and talk with you. You've become one of my best friends, my confident and my journal. I have invested a lot in this Simon, in us, and I would be a fool to let that go to waste and I am no fool, I don't think you are either._

_I’m not angry with you though Simon, for not knowing who I am. If anything my anger is more directed at myself. I wasn't brave enough to interact with you more and I don't mean just through emails, I wasn't smart enough to figure out how to give you more clues. That’s one of the things I don't find so great about myself I guess._

_I’m never really enough. I guess thats why I try so hard at everything else such as my schoolwork and sports, I’m a sucker for other peoples validation and approval, yes I am aware they're synonyms so please forgive me._

_Simon I don't want to lose what we have here. I guess that’s the main point of this email._  
_Please don’t leave me alone. I’m may have not been what you wanted but you're certainly something I need, you allow me to feel sane in this crazy world. So please, for me._

_Stay._

_Love Blue_

  
I lean back in my chair and think about the email I’ve just sent. Simon and I have both sent many emails to each other but I have to admit this is one of my most vulnerable. I suppose that’s where me and Simon differ. He can be a pretty open book to those he trusts. Me? Not so much. I could trust someone with my life, soul and halloween Oreo collection and I’d still need a formal powerpoint presentation, lecture and three months worth of evidence of why I should open up to someone before I could even consider it. I’m fun like that.

It reaches ten o clock and with the thought of school looming the next day, I get ready for bed and dim the lights, reaching for my book. I always read before I go to bed it helps me settle. This one is one of my favourites called _**“They Both Die in the End” by Adam Silvera**_. It’s an incredible book and a true rollercoaster for your emotions. With how I’m feeling right now, I don’t make it more than seventeen pages in before I have to put it down again. Maybe not the best book for me right now. I turn off my light and lay back, staring at the ceiling. My brain still too wired to contemplate sleep yet also wanting desperately to shut down, even if it is just for a few hours.

I can feel myself floating in the “in-between” of sleep and awake when my phone buzzes lightly on the bedside cabinet and lights up informing me of a new notification. I pause for a second when I start to reach for it. What if it’s an email from Simon, what if he's telling me he doesn't want to talk anymore.

My brain is brilliant at filling my head with worse case scenarios and eventually my curiosity and fear of the unknown win out and I pick up my phone, type in my password and check my recent notifications

hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com has sent you an email!

I tense. This was the make or break moment. I close my eyes as I swipe the notification across and when I open them again Simons words are staring back at me.

From: hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com  
To: bluegreen118@gmail.com

_Dear Blue,_

_I want to start off by apologising. I am more sorry than you know for guessing wrong, for me guessing wrong that is. You were right FYI it is me, Simon I mean. Thats kind of obvious though now huh, especially after whats happened on the Tumblr. Speaking of that and me leaving you, ARE YOU INSANE???!!? If anything it should be me begging you not to leave me._

_I will never abandon you Blue. Believe me I know how it feels. Do I sound bitter when I say that? I feel it but I don't really have the right to I suppose. Sorry I’m rambling a bit, it’s been a weird day and I’m a monumental asshole but we can move on from that because you already thought that when I guessed wrong right?_

_You're a better guy than me Blue, I’d have been so angry and upset if the role was switched which I guess isn't entirely fair. Then again the worlds not fair. Sorry, that was pretty bitter too wasn't it. Where was I? Oh right apologising, I never did it. My bad. Blue I am so so sorry for not guessing right, I know that probably doesn't even come close to making you feel better but I am sorry Blue, from the bottom of my heart._

_I guess what I’m trying to say is this Blue. I’ve looked for you everywhere, even when I knew you didn't want to be found. I projected all these little bits of knowledge I had of you onto people that, to me, it made sense for you to be. I know thats a lame excuse but it’s the truth nevertheless and Blue you do deserve the truth._

_I’m scared to go to school tomorrow, scared to face everyone but knowing there is at least one person that has my back, that hasn't turned on me in hatred because of my actions, I think that will help me get through._

_Blue once again I apologise. More than words in the dictionary, stars in the sky, leaves on a tree and Oreos in my cupboard. You won’t lose me, don't let me lose you. Okay._

_Love Simon_

I re-read the email two more times before it finally sinks in. He doesn't want to stop talking to me, he's not going to leave. I decide I’ll read his email again tomorrow to help me understand the rest. He was rambling a lot which makes me thinks something has happened but he didn't tell me what and all he gave me was self-deprecating clues which I can’t quite figure out in my exhausted state.

I’m more settled now knowing Simon isn't going anywhere and with that thought slowly circling through my head like a lullaby I drift off to sleep.

Before I know it my alarms blaring at me like the fires of hell have been let loose and my bodies moving on autopilot before I've even really got my eyes open. I sit there on the edge of my bed for a moment before getting up and ready for the day, Ive just finished brushing my teeth when I remember the email that Simon sent the night before. I can’t remember a lot of it but two parts still stick in my head.

Simon wasn't leaving me (Thank god)  
Simon was scared of coming to school

That last thought struck me as odd, with Simons friends with him, he shouldn't really have had to worry about anyone being too much of a prick. He had seen Leah’s famous “get the fuck outta our space” glare and had seen Abby stand up to people twice her size before and walk away smiling, Nick could also be pretty fierce when he wanted to be. With a squad like that who could be scared. Then again, I rationalised, this was Shady Creek, Georgia we were talking about. There would be somethings that even Simons crew couldn't defend him from.

I realise I've been so lost in thought that times slipped by without me realising it, I shoot a quick look at the clock and then start dashing around, slipping on my shoes and grabbing a jacket before hauling my rucksack over my shoulder and dashing out the door shouting a quick

“ **Love you** ”

Into the house to my mum who just smiles at me warmly and waves. I make it to the bottom of the drive just as Garrett pulls up in his death wagon of car. He insists its fine to be in and drive and truth be told I also do love the car but then again he's also the one that insists its a death trap so… apples and oranges I guess.

I climb into the death wagon and Garett pulls away from the curb with a small rattle, but I’m used to that by now. He turns his head slightly to look at me

“ **You heard about the Spier kid?** ”

He asks, I pretend to play dumb

“ **Nah, Simon? whats happened?** "

Garrett nodded

“ **Yeah him, he got outed on the Tumblr a few days into christmas break, with you being in Savannah I’m not surprised you ain’t heard but yeah, he's gay** ”

“ **Shit, no way I respond. Thats no way for your coming out to happen** ”

Garrett regards me out the corner of his eye slightly

“ **You're chill with him being gay right? I think you're cool with that stuff but i need to know for definite because I ain’t gonna stand by and do nothing if he's getting bullied or some shit** ”

Im taken aback slightly, of course I was, I mean hell I was about as straight as a circle myself. Not that anyone knew, I just didn't think Garrett cared this strongly about it, I wasn't mad though. It was good to see this side of him, it really lessened some of the douche vibe he sometimes tended to give off.

“ **What? Yeah man of course I’m cool with it no question. If something happens I’m gonna help however I can** ”

Garrett smiles slightly

“ **Good well I just had to check, this shits important in a friendship you know** ”

All I could do was nod in agreement, we don't linger on the topic though and move onto soccer and the math test coming up and before long we’re parked up in the school parking lot and getting ready to head in.

Garrett gave me one last look before heading in and told me

" **You see anyone giving Spier shit and you deal with it okay and then if anyone tries it with you they deal with me. ok?** ”

The determination in his eyes was incredible, both inspiring and scary at the same time. I nodded

“ **same goes for you as well okay? No surrender** ”

He smiles at the mention of our inside joke from when we used to use all our spare time playing COD on the playstation.

“ **No surrender** ”

And with that we head out of the car and into the school.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I walked in to be honest, muted angry mutterings like witches standing over cauldrons, people throwing glares around the room trying to see if anyone else might be “Gay”. Hell I even expected some form of homophobic graffiti gracing the lockers that lined the hallways but there wasn't any of that. In fact everything seemed…for want of a better word, normal. I didn't trust it. Garrett gave me a smile as we reached my locker before moving on to his own which was in a different corridor further down the hall.

There wasn't really any order to the lockers and where you had yours, its like they just thrust their hands into a giant pot of keys and gave them out like lucky draw prizes. So while this meant mine was near the front door of the school and Garett had his around the corner, it also meant that through some grace or curse of god, Simon’s locker was only twelve down from mine, again not like I was counting. It was both a blessing and curse.

I wondered if he had already been to his locker and made it to class when I got my answer. As one the entire hall seemed to go silent and turn towards the main entrance, I followed their eyes and saw Simon, my sweet adorable Simon, walking hurriedly towards his locker, alone. Back hunched and head down to avoid making eye contact with anyone. He made his way over, alone.

Alone. Alone. Alone.

Why was Simon, bubbly, friendly, Simon by himself. Where were his friends, the people that he had walked into school with without fail for the past six months? Why were they not stood by his side as pillars of support and reassurance? Bram didn't know the answer to any of the questions his brain was firing at him but right now he didn't care. He finished packing his bag with books he would need for this mornings lessons History (shared with Simon) and AP calculus (also shared with Simon as well as Garrett) and closed his locker. He gave one last look around the hall and then started down to Simon’s locker, about halfway there one of the jocks from the football team came up behind Simon and shoved him hard.

“ **What’s up fag?** ”

He sneered, Bram vaguely recognised him but couldn't put a name to the face.

“ **Did I catch you checking me out just now?** ”

Bram knew that what he said wasn't true, Simon had been looking in his locker the entire time avoiding the old for as long as he could before this. Bram picked up his pace just in time to hear Simon mutter out a weak

“ **…no i wasn’t, I…I swear it, honest** ”

Simons answer apparently fell on deaf ears and the jock wasn't having it.

“ **Of course you were you filthy queer because thats all you and your kind fucking do isn't it?** ”

The dickhead raised his hand as if to slap Simon and he flinched. It wasn't the flinch that made Bram scared though, no that just made him realise something. What made Bram scared was the fact that as soon as the Jock moved his hand Simon immediately went to cover his ribs. The quick movement to protect himself had been the reason Simon had flinched. He was already hurt. Someone had already got to him before Bram could help.

Well, he’d be damned if anyone else got their now. Bram hurriedly crossed the remaining gap of clear space that now surround Simon and the bully and inserted himself into the small gap between them.

“ **Leave him alone** ”

Bram, didn't yell the words or scream them but they were laced with a quiet fury that made the bully blink and step back, lowering his fist.

“ **Move Greenfeld, he deserves this for what he is, he was checking me out** ”

Bram snorted

“ **No he doesn't deserve this at all, and no he wasn’t, if he was really going to check anyone out why would he look at a prick like you** ”

The boy blinked, blinked again as Bram’s words processed. Anger filled his eyes as he realised what had been said

“ **You little shit, you think just cos your the captain of the soccer team and your skins a fucking special colour you get to talk to people like that? Hell I bet you’re a fucking homo too aren't you huh?** "

The Bully was yelling now.

Bram just shook it off

“ **And what? Just because you're white and straight that gives you the right to go round punching people who aren't the same as you?** ”

A ripple of unease ran round the corridor, Bram was becoming increasingly aware of how close was stood to Simon and he was also very aware of how the situation seemed to be escalating instead of de-escalating. Apparently logic didn't win out when someone was dead set on using their fists.

Before he could fully comprehend what was happening a fist had been raised and was flying towards his face but before it could make contact, hell before Bram could even move, another hand was raised to meet it. A loud smack rang through the corridor followed by a grunt as the jock was shoved back. Bram looked to his left and smiled when he saw Garrett stood there with a face like thunder

“ **We got a problem here Jones?** ”

He growled towards the footballer. Now one thing to know about Garrett is that although he's a soccer player he's got both the height and the muscle to stand his ground over pretty much any team in the school, including most of the footballers, so when Jones looked up into Garrett’s eyes and saw the promise of pain and violence, any retort he had died on his lips and without looking in Bram or Simon’s direction again he skulked off through the crowd.

“ **Alright people nothing to see here now piss off** ”

Garrett hollered. People slowly dispersed, going back to their lockers and resuming conversations but still shooting quick glances at the trio. Bram didn't care. He turned back to Simon, stepping back slightly to give him some room.

" **Are you okay?** ”

He asked gently while giving Simon the once over, Simon was still holding his ribs slightly but other than that Bram couldn't see any other sign of Simon being hurt. Simon nodded his head

" **Yes thank you** ”

He whispered

“ **What about your ribs?** ”  
  
Bram asked, Simon stared at him

“ **How did you…?** "

Bram just gestured to the way Simon was holding himself and understanding filled Simons expression.

“ **A bit bruised but nothing that wont heal, probably. Not how I imagined my first time being sucker punched but beggars can't be choosers right?** "

He tried to laugh it off in typical Simon fashion

“ **Seriously though are you okay Spier?** ”

Garett inquired

Simon just looked at them both before shaking his head slightly, it broke Bram’s heart.

“ **Thank you both though, for sticking your necks out for me. You really didn't have to do that, I don't want anyone else getting hurt because of me** ”

Odd choice of words, Bram thought to himself. Had someone else already stood up for him and been hurt as a consequence?

“ **Thats what friends are for right?** ”

Garett smiled at Simon. I don't think he noticed the way Simon winced when he said about friends, but I did and I couldn't help wondering if there was a reason why Simon had walked into school alone. I shifted my rucksack on my shoulder

“ **We should go or we’ll be late for class, Garrett isn't your next class on the other side of the school?** "

Bram asked, Garrett looked confused for a second before getting his timetable out and checking it

“ **Shit you're right Greenfield** ”

He exclaimed and with a

“ **See you both later** ”

Yelled over his shoulder he vanished into the crowd. Both Bram and Simon let out a weak chuckle as Garrett disappeared. Simon turned back into his locker and got the gear he would need for the next couple of lessons. Once he had grabbed all he needed he slammed his locker closed and turned back round to face Bram

“ **Thank you** ”

he uttered quietly

“ **For standing up for me and nearly being beaten up. I’m sorry that that happened to you though, I’ll understand if you don’t do it again** ”

Bram took a moment to take Simon in, the boy had already been through so much and it wasn't even nine in the morning. He took in the bags under Simon’s eyes that made it glaringly obvious that he hadn't been getting enough sleep, saw the way his shoulders had already hunched as if he had already accepted defeat. There wasn't a chance in hell he was leaving this boy alone. Ever.

“ **I’m not leaving you alone Simon. I’ll stick to your side like a limpet until your sick of me** ”

Simon chuckled

“ **Sick of you Bram Greenfeld? I don't think I’ll ever live to see the day** ”

Bram blushed but shot a huge grin in Simons direction.

“ **Come on** ”

He announced

“ **I don’t wanna be late for class** ”

They walked together, a comfortable silence between them. Bram let Simon wander amongst his thoughts until he nearly walked into the doorframe of the classroom, again Bram intervened just in time, placing a hand on his shoulder and stopping him before the two connected in what would have been a painful meeting.

Simon jumped at the touch, shocked out his deep thoughts before flashing a small grin

“ **Saving me again Greenfeld? Better not make that a habit eh?** "

With a gentle laugh he led they way into the classroom. Bram stood by Simon’s desk until the bell rang and the teacher walked in before heading over to his own desk, promising Simon they’d meet when class was over and walk to their next lesson together. Simon hadn't said anything in return but the gratitude in eyes had spoken volumes. It cut Bram to the quick.

History was boring, it dragged on and on and as it did Bram’s mind wandered where it always did. Back to Simon. He felt a huge amount of sympathy for the other boy. Coming Out was supposed to be “your” thing and Simon had lost that. He’d been plunged into the deep end of the pool not knowing fully if he'd sink or swim or simply disappear.

  
Bram wondered how he had been found in the first place, he wondered if Simon would tell him, or if he would tell Blue. In truth he felt quite guilty not telling Simon who he was but after seeing how the school had reacted to Simon this morning he couldn't help but lock the door to his closet a bit tighter. Cowardly or smart he couldn't decide, but if he couldn't be brave for himself then he would do his damn best to be brave enough for Simon, they other boy certainly needed it.

History eventually came to a close and Bram packed his bag at double speed before heading over to Simon’s desk. Simon finished packing his bag and then smiled softly at Bram before saying

“ **Shall we go** ”

Next came AP Calculus, not one of Bram’s favourites but certainly not his worse, Simon joked on his way to class saying

“ **I only take this class so I can calculate which Oreo is the biggest in the pack** ”

Bram couldn't help but laugh at Simon’s logic, he noticed that while Simon was making his jokes as usual they didn't really light up his eyes like they usually did, the smile didn't stretch as far, it was all a front Bram realised, Simon was hiding how he really felt and Bram couldn't blame him for it. For each five neutral stares Simon received there was a least one glare from one homophobic asshole who was too close minded for his own good.

For the most part they were ignored as they walked down the halls although Bram was sure he heard a few slurs being yelled in Simon’s direction. Whenever Bram tried to find the source though, he could not. Simon, to his credit just acted like nothing was happening. They made it to class and met up with Garrett outside the room.

Once in and making sure Simon was at his desk Bram and Garrett headed over to theirs which was on the opposite side of the room. Bram kept a close eye on the other boy as he unpacked his things, he felt too far away from him, it was unnerving to say the least.

Once the teacher had taken names and started teaching Garrett leaned in close to Bram before whispering

“ **I found out how Spier was outed** ”

Bram turned his head towards Garrett, one eyebrow raised in an obvious question

“ **He was being blackmailed** ”

Holy.

Shit.

Of all the things Garrett could have come out with that wasn't it. I mean who had such a grudge against Simon that they'd wield his sexuality as a weapon and then decide to hit him with it. Had Simon not lived up to his end of a bargain? Had he upset someone? Bram couldn't believe that

Simon would ever intentionally hurt someone, he was the kindest person Bram knew and if Simon ever had hurt someone he didn't stop trying to make things right. It was one of the things Bram loved about him.

Simon took the world so personally, as if each sadness was his fault, a crease in the shirt of life that he had to iron out. It was amazing that he hadn't been chewed up and spat out by life at this point, although, Bram reflected, maybe he just had been.

He was brought back out of his thoughts by Garrett nudging his elbow

“ **You okay man, you've gone really quiet and you look like super pissed off** ”

Bram was pissed off, in fact he was well past that. Hell hath no fury like Bram did when someone hurt his Simon. Not that Simon was his of course but you get what he means. Bram turned to Garrett

“ **I am angry** ”

He seethed

“ **What asshole has the right to do that to someone else, who in gods name thinks they have the right to make a decision about someones life like that? It’s manipulative and cruel and abusive and goes against basic human rights** "

Garrett blinked at him, comprehending what Bram had said. He didn't say anything in return, just gained a steely look in his eye and nodded his head at Bram. That was all the response Bram needed to know that Garrett was on his side and ultimately Simons.

“ **Wait how did you find out?** ”

“ **Oh I asked Nick about it** ”

It was said almost casually, as if one might discuss the weather.

" **Did Nick say anything else about it**?”

Bram inquired

“ **Nope, in fact after he said that he practically ignored me for the rest of the lesson** ”

Bram hummed in response

“ **Intersting** ”

Thankfully the lesson seemed to finish quicker than the other, both Bram and Garrett headed over to Simon’s desk before asking what lesson he had next

“ **Oh I’ve got study hall** ”

He sounded relieved

“ **I’m just gonna go hide in a dark corner of the library till lunch so don't worry you guys are free if you want to go do your own thing** ”

“ **Not a chance Spier** ”

Garrett chuckled

“ **I’m still behind on homework from last term and Bram hangs out in the library for fun anyway** ”

I elbowed him in the side and he grunted, Simon grinned at our interaction

“ **Sounds good to me then** ”

Was it only me that heard the relief in his voice?

Turns out this study period was the last calm hour of the day before everything went to shit, I wish I could have had the foresight to know so. I wish I could remake the world into a kinder place. I wish a lot of things but it seems I’m all out of genie lamps and the world doesn't seem to be in the habit of granting any of my requests. What a bitch right?

Once study period was over we headed to Lunch, on the way there Simon seemed to grow tenser and tenser with each passing second, I’m pretty sure if i'd have poked him he would have started bouncing from wall to wall like a coiled spring. We walked into the usual hustle and bustle of the cafeteria and when nothing bad immediately Simon seemed to relax, well, minutely anyway. As we headed towards our usual table Simon started dropping back slightly, when I looked at him with a question in my eyes he stated

“ **Just realised I forgot my lunch at home so I’m gonna queue, you guys go ahead I’ll catch you later** ”

I nodded my head and Garrett and Me headed over to our usual table where Leah, Nick and Abby were already sat, Abby and Nick on one side and Leah on the other which wasn't unusual, what was unusual was the fact that both Nick and Abby were finally holding hands. That was definitely new and such a basic high school heterosexual thing I almost snorted.

Of course straight couples could hold hands in the lunch room , they could kiss and no one would even bat an eyelid but if you were gay you apparently got beaten up just for existing, sorry double standard who? They were all leaning across the table heads practically pressed together as they whispered to each other, their faces were dark and they kept shooting glances around the lunch room.

When Nicks eyes fell on us he gave a rushed whisper to the group and they quickly broke apart, because that wasn't suspicious at all. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and sat on the end of the table, the side which Leah was sat on so I could do my best to keep an eye on the Lunch queue and Simon who had just joined the end of it. With the pace the line was going it would be a few minutes before he joined us.

The table sat in stony silence for a few moments, even Garrett looked uncomfortable with it and that was saying something. Garrett was many things but he wasn't the best at reading the room. Clearly something big was going on and Garrett in his usual style disregarded it and dived right in with the one subject people were clearly trying to avoid.

“ **So where were you guys this morning? I mean how come Simon was by himself? Not that Bram and Me minded coming to his rescue like but shouldn't his best friends have been there instead of people he rarely talks to**?”

Nick, Leah and Abby glanced at each other before turning their gaze onto Garrett

“ **We're not exactly on speaking terms right now** ”

Nicks hollow voice fell flat across the table and my eyes reluctantly dragged over to him from where they had been carefully monitoring Simon.

“ **What do you mean you're not on speaking terms right now?** ”

There was a bit of steel to Garrett’s words, and Bram knew that his friends anger had started to build.

“ **You three better not be telling me you ditched him because he's gay, cos I ain’t being friends with some homophobic assholes, not a chance** ”

Nick held his hands up in a placating gesture

“ **Nah man, we don't care that he's gay, its cool with us** ”

“ **Then what gives Eisner? Why aren't you with Spier right now?** ”

The three share a look before Abby speaks up

“ **So you know how Simon was being blackmailed for being gay?** "

We nodded and she continued

“ **Well turns out that it was Martin Addison who was doing it, apparently Simon accidentally left himself logged into his emails on the school computer that Martin used after him. Martin threatened to out him and some kid that Simon was messaging called “Blue” if Simon didn't do what he wanted** "

My blood runs cold. Simon had never told Blue about this.

“ **Turns out what Martin wanted was to be set up with me so he had Simon bring him along to parties and study dates where I’d be in hopes that it would work. Simon even told Nick I had a college boyfriend so he wouldn't ask me out just so Martin could shoot his shot, can you believe that?** ”

There was a stormy look in Garrett’s eyes when he turned to Leah

“ **Alright and whats your excuse?** ”

I couldn't help but flinch at the bluntness of his tone of voice. Leah held herself steady though and responded with equal venom.

“ **Simon tried to set me up with Nick because he thought I was into him when I was actually into Simon, Simon didn't care about that though and only set us up because he wanted to keep Nick and Abby apart even longer. He set me up to get my heartbroken** ”

Simon had just reached the front of the queue and was getting his lunch now.

I was speechless. This was the reason his friends were ignoring him? Letting him receive all this shit because of something Simon couldn't have controlled. Simon had left the line now and was heading to an empty table in the middle of the cafeteria, away from his “friends” and away from me. Garrett wasn't speechless though, it was rare that he was.

“ **Nick? You're angry cos … what? Simon kept you and Abby apart or…what, whats your reason?"**

“ **Well yeah, he messed with our love life, he lied to us when he could have just come to us with the truth, it wouldn't have exactly been hard** ”

Nick responded. Blood roared through my ears and my vision tunnelled.

“ **I’m sorry what?** ”

The entire table turned to face me but I couldn't stop. I could hear the words I was speaking but it didn't feel like me, it felt like I was having an out of body experience

“ **You don't think its hard to come out of the closet? To tell people the secret that gets you killed in some countries, arrested in others and beaten up in practically all of them because of some close minded assholes? You don't think its hard to reveal this huge part of yourself? Is that what you're telling me Nick?**

 **Because as a straight male you have no idea what its like, especially for Simon. Who by the way didn't even get to come out, he was forced out. Forced out of the closet before he was ready and now he’s not got a leg to stand on** ”

Nick interrupted me

 **"Bram thats not the point, the point is he lied to us, he betrayed us** ”

He seemed shocked that I’d even spoken up at all

“ **You know Nick I never thought I’d have to say these words to you but you're pathetic, you all are** ”

I glared around the table and rested my eyes on Leah

“ **You know why Simon set you up with Nick? He set you up with Nick because he genuinely thought you liked him, Simon never does anything to deliberately hurt someone and when he does he tries his damn best to fix it, so why the hell would he suddenly start trying to tear your friendship apart now?**

 **As a gay guy do you really think his first thought is that a girl might have a crush on him? Did you ever even tell him how you felt until this all happened?** "

Leah looked down at her plate

“ **No** ”

“ **No exactly, so how can you blame Simon for not knowing something like that? It wasn't fair on him and he thought he was going to be making you happy. If thats not a “Simon thing” I don't know what is** ”

I turned on Nick next

“ **And you, I’m still not quite sure why you're being such a little bitch about this considering he's not actually done anything to you personally, sure he lied to you about Abby having a boyfriend and tried to keep you two apart but, and correct me if I’m wrong, you're together now aren't you? So what you had to wait a couple more weeks for it to happen. Your life isn't the one that fell apart because someone couldn't get what they wanted.**

 **And Abby, probably the only one who has even a small right to be angry has still taken it too far** ”

She looked like she wanted to interrupt but I pressed on

“ **Sure Simon did a shitty thing trying to set you up with Martin but think back, was he ever happy that Martin was there at the parties you attended, was he ever joyful to have him at study practice. Hell when Martin was sat at the table did Simon even speak to anyone** ”

Abby just shook her head

“ **No, he wasn't happy and do you know why? Because he felt like complete and utter shit for going along with it. But you know the worst thing? The worst thing is that Simon wasn't even doing this for himself. Simon was doing this to protect Blue. Someone who wasn't even mentioned by real name. He was so scared of being left alone if this was found out and now that it has, whats happened? He’s been left alone by the few people who he should have been able to trust with anything. Who should have always had his back.**

 **So Simon didn't do this for his own gain, he didn't push all his friends away just to keep his secret safe, he didn't lie and “betray his friends” because he didn't want to be found out. No. He did all this to protect someone else and if thats not the most Simon thing ever then I don't really know what is. You all claim to be his friends? I proclaim you all to be hypocrites. Because his secret is now out Simon has been physically, emotionally and mentally abused and yet you've all just sat here being petty** ”

With a final huff I stood from the table with my tray and Garrett followed suit.

“ **Now if you'll excuse me, I've got real friends to sit with** ”

And with the he turned his back on the table and marched over to wear Simon was sitting before sliding into the chair next to him. Simon looked up shocked as Garrett slid into the chair opposite.

“ **What are you guys doing, I thought you wouldn't want anything to do with me after speaking with those guys** ”

His voice held no bitterness when he mentioned his ex-best friends, just a sadness, just loss. Garrett just shook his head

“ **Don’t worry, I doubt we’ll be sitting with them for a while** ”

Simon looked up startled

“ **Why what happened?** ”

Garrett chuckled

“ **All I’m saying is that Greenfeld’s got balls** ”

Simon flicked his gaze between the two of them before bursting into laughter and a moment later both I and Garrett joined in, it was good to see Simon laugh again, properly laugh that is. It didn’t last long though.

Around five minutes later a booming base fills the lunch hall followed by some god awful tasteless rap song which in turn was followed by the two biggest douchebags in the school, Aaron and Spencer. One, I noticed was dressed how Simon usually dressed and the other was dressed like Ethan, the other openly gay kid in school.

They jumped up onto a table and the entire cafeteria went silent as they started acting out a “sexual” scene between the two boys, yelling out obscenities and rude remarks. Bram was just about to get up when someone beat him too it.

Simon.

I had never seen such anger on his face, it wasn't Simon like at all. As he reached the bullies however it turned into a smirk of indifference. A smirk that spelled trouble and that Simon didn't really care, Bram shot a quick look at Garrett before getting up and hurrying over to where Simon stood.

“ **Have you guys got a problem with me?** ”

Simon had to raise his voice to be heard over the awful music and the boys pretend to ignore him.

“ **I said have you got a problem with me?** ”

Simon asks a bit louder. Aaron and Spencer hop off the table and turn the music down

“ **What was that you said Simon Queer** ”

Dickhead one snickered

“ **I asked if you had a problem with me, but its quite clear you don't. I mean one of you is even dressed like me. Look at that one day out of the closet and I’m already a fashion icon** ”

I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips and neither could some of the listening crowd. Aaron and Spencer turned red when they realised they were being laughed at instead of with.

“ **What the fuck did you just say to us you little shit** ”

Dickhead two was angry and before anyone could respond he had shoved Simon who fell back a couple of steps. For the second time that day blood roared in my ears and my vision tunnelled. When it stopped Garrett was pulling me off a scared looking Spencer who was now on the floor and Mrs Albright was stood between all of us.

She tore into Aaron and Spencer hard and when they tried to turn it back around on Bram, Mrs Albright shut them down saying all she saw was self-defence before sending them packing to Mr Worths office. She called Simon and Ethan over and told them to head over as well and she’d be there in a moment to explain the situation. Simon shot a grateful glance over his shoulder at Bram and mouthed “ **thank you** ” before heading off to the office.

Garrett and I went back to our seats and sat quietly for a few moments, I looked up to see Garrett regarding me with what looked like admiration in his eyes.

“ **what**?

I asked self consciously

" **I’ve said it once today Greenfeld but I’ll say it again. Damn have you got balls** ”

I chuckle then smirk back at Garrett

“ **No surrender right** ”

Garrett grins right back

“ **No fucking surrender** ”


End file.
